How I Turned my Wife into a B-Word

Last Updated on November 23, 2017 11:03 am by Steven

“I am not a B-word” my wife told me for the umpteenth time over the previous few months.

My only response was the same one that I have been giving her every time we had this conversation, “You can become one if you want to be, it just takes some practice. I have faith in you!”

My encouragement continued, “It is not that bad to be a B-word. All of the successful people are doing it. I know you can do it!  Let’s try this again.”

Our financial independence journey started in early 2010. We were introduced to Dave Ramsey by my brother. After taking a hard look at our finances, and our lack of financial planning, we decided to do something about it.

Then the B-word appeared… The dreaded B-word…

When I first brought up the subject to Lorell, there was no discussion, it was a plain and simple and forceful NO!

Slowly as we started down our financial independence journey, the B-word kept coming up more and more. And each time I felt I was talking to a brick wall. After many talks and discussions, I changed the B-word to “Family Financial Plan” The B-word was not allowed in my home.

For many people (Lorell was included in this group) just the thought of the b-word (budget) brings up many fears and negative thoughts. Here are a few:

• Controlling – The budget could be used to control her by controlling access to the money.
• Limiting. The budget could limit her supplying needs to the family.
• Oppressive. The budget would oppress her by forcing her what she spends money on.
• Misogynistic– I make the majority of the money, so I make the decisions on where the money goes.
• Unrealistic – How could we possibly predict how much we would need to spend each month?
• Just not Possible! – Our expenses are too broad and too unpredictable to even consider trying to make a guess on how much we might spend
• Never gonna happen – Nope, Nadda, Zilch – There is not any hope for success – so why even try?

Finally, after we discussed her fears and concerns, and she had enough faith in me to work on the Family Financial Plan (budget) with me, we started to see the benefits of becoming budgeters.

Ether 12:27

Reality!

The first few times we budgeted, it took us about two hours each time.

This happened every other week (because that is when we got paid). We would send the kids to the other room, and settle in for a good long money fight! We were determined to make it through the two-hour ordeal.

Those first few budgets were not anywhere close to being what our family needed – but we had to go through the process in order to understand our finances better.  It was not easy – but we made it!

Then things started to change. We realized that if there was money in a budget category – we had already given each other permission to spend the cash. Lorell did not feel like she needed to talk to me every time the kids needed new shoes. I did not need to talk to her if I needed a new tool. As long as there was money in the budget category – we were good to go!

Freedom

Now that we have been budgeting for seven years – we have it down to about a 15-minute conversation. Sometimes we even allow the kids to stay in the room (confession: sometimes we still kick the kids out of the room just so that we can be alone together).

Here is the reality of budgeting:

• Controlling Lenient  – We build the budget together. When money is in the budget – we have already given each other permission to spend the money.
• Limiting Freeing – Using a budget allows Lorell to spend the money that we have already planned and agreed to spend.  Stay in the budget and there are no restrictions.  The freedom we both get from having a budget is incredible.
• Oppressive Friendly – Each month we work on the budget together. We decide together what our money will be spent on.
• Misogynistic good-natured – Lorell has an equal say in which budget categories get money.  I defer to her on how much we need in a lot of the categories as she is the expert on what our family needs.
• Unrealistic Realistic – With a few months of practice, we started to come close to our budget.  With a few years of practice – we are still close…
• Just not Possible! – Our budget categories are adjusted a few times a year.  Sometimes we expand and create additional categories to track and save for specific expenses, other times we are done with categories and they go away.  It is not rocket science – it is just budgeting!
• Never gonna happen It did Happen! – Yep, Yea, Oui, Sí, Ja, Sim, Ken, Sea, Jes, Hai, Ndiyo, Gee, Haa’n, Oo, Shi, Baleh, Areh, Na’am, A-yo, Já, Haan, Hanji, Ho, Áno, Ano, Igen, Da, Evet, Avunu, சரி, 네.  It can happen to you too!

No budget is perfect – every month we make adjustments throughout the month – that is how you make a budget perfect – by making adjustments.

When you see Lorell, ask her if she is a B-word – she will proudly say YES! I’m a budgeter – and I’ll never go back to not using a budget!

When you hear the words “Let’s do a Budget” do you have negative emotions or positive emotions?  What experiences are influencing your emtions on budgets?  Please share in the comments below!