Last Updated on February 6, 2021 11:22 am by Steven

Steven and David – just a great picture of my grandson!

I got my first Tattoo, it was not as fun as it should have been

Was my first tattoo a butterfly on my hip?  A tramp stamp on my back?  A picture of “MOM” on my arm?  Lorell’s and my kid’s faces across my chest?  No, nothing that fun.

Ok, so I’ll admit, I used clickbait to get you here, especially for those of you that know me!  Here is the story of my first Tattoo,

Beginning of the story

The story started last March.  Just as COVID was starting to become a reality for me and you and the rest of the world. I turned 50 years old in March 2020.  I have never been one of those people who goes to the Doctor for their annual checkup.  I sometimes go 3 or 4 years between checkups.

Everyone, or at least most people, know that 50 is a big year for checkups.

But I used COVID as an excuse to postpone my checkup for 9 months – because who wants to go to a Doctors office wearing a mask with a bunch of sick people?

Dr Muse tells me I’m 50 and other useless information

My Doctors have rarely told me things that I didn’t already know, every year he tells me the same things:

• You should lose some weight
• You should exercise more
• You should eat healthier
• Your blood pressure is good
• Your heart rate is a bit high
• Your cholesterol levels are a bit high, but let’s wait another year because they are not rising

And this year he told me something that did not shock me at all:  “You turned 50 this past year.”

Yes, Dr. I know.  I was there!

My Doctor then explains that at 50 everyone gets the opportunity to have a camera stuck somewhere that the sun really does not shine!  In fairness, he did use more technical and clinical terms like a colonoscopy.  He did try to make me feel better about getting a colonoscopy by saying something like, “Yes they suck, but it is an important milestone for everyone to experience.”

My colonoscopy

I made my appointment for my colonoscopy for Tuesday, January 26th.  The nurse gave me lots of instructions that included warnings like:

• Don’t eat anything that you cannot see through the day before (clear liquid diet)
• 12 hours before (at 6 pm) you get to drink 64oz (that is 1/2 gallon) of a mixture of sodium bicarbonate, school glue, paste, and a little bit of lemon flavor.
• 6 hours before (at midnight) you get to drink another 64oz (that is another 1/2 gallon) of a mixture of sodium bicarbonate, school glue, paste, and a little bit of lemon flavor.
  • For you math wizards, that is drinking a GALLON of nasty paste after you have been on a clear liquid diet all day.
  • I would rather be waterboarded than go through that again!
• Warning: you might need to drink this on the toilet because it will leave your body as fast (or faster) than you drink it.
  • NOTE: The Bathroom and Kitchen are different rooms for a reason.  Let’s kept it that way.  Nobody should be made to consume something that they might need to drink on the toilet!

After all of the preparations, I was ready for my colonoscopy!  Lorell was very ready because I might have been a little hangry during the preparation experience!

I arrived at the office and changed into a gown that does not protect or hide anything.  I get an IV for the wonderful drugs they are going to give me. I get wheeled into the operating room.  I see a TV on the wall that I’m facing so the Dr can see where the sun doesn’t shine.  I notice Dr Miller is about 25 years old and I’m thinking…  ( fall asleep)

Black spot is my Tattoo

Did he just give me a tattoo?

…I slowly wake up…

I feel a bit of pressure in my abdomen.

I’m still on the operating room table.

I look up and see the TV.  It is playing a show that looks like the colonoscopy that I’ve seen on YouTube.  It takes a few moments for my mind to realize that I’m watching my colonoscopy live!  This is really cool!  I don’t want the Dr to know I’m awake so I hold really still.

I watch as the camera travels up and down my colon. I wish there was someone like David Attenborough to narrate what I’m seeing.  Then I see something jet out from the camera and it leaves a dark spot on a piece of my colon.  A hand reaches across my face, pushing something into the IV and I’m out.

The news about my tattoo

After I wake up, I get dressed and go to the waiting room to talk to the Dr.  It takes a while for Lorell to get there (which is a whole saga that you will have to ask Lorell about).

The Dr comes in to talk about the colonoscopy.  I felt that something was wrong because he did the head tilt as he started to talk.

He proceeds to tell us that he found a polyp that he cut out and another mass that he biopsied and tattooed.  He showed us a picture of the tattoo and mass.

I got my first tattoo but it was not fun!  And it cost a lot of money!  And nobody can see it!  No showing it off to my biker friends when I go to the bar!

This is what a Cancer Mass looks like in the colon

Colon Cancer journey

Dr. Miller then told us that it is probably colon cancer.  He won’t know for sure until they examine the piece he cut away.  Spoiler alert:  it is cancer!

So now I’m heading into my Colon Cancer journey. In the past week, I’ve had two CT Scans (one chest, one abdomen) with contrast (contrast makes you feel like you are peeing your pants!), had a consult with my oncologist, and a consult with my surgeon.

This next week I have another appt with my oncologist, and surgery to remove about 5 inches of my colon (good thing we are built with extra plumbing)!

It will probably take 2 to 3 weeks to recover from the surgery.

My Polyp before he cut it out.

Being positive

I don’t know what Emily Post says we should do when we receive bad news.  I just always feel awkward telling people that you have colon cancer.

I keep getting the “Richard from Friend” head tilt.

So I answer with the “I’m OK” head bob!

Lorell and I are doing great!  We are very confident that this will be just a bump in the road.  My employer (Epicor Software) and boss (Thank you Sam) have gone above and beyond in helping me and giving me the time off I’ll need for recovery.

Please feel free to call or text or email or telegraph us.

Lorell is way more social than I am and she needs more connections.

I’ll continue to do the Richard head bob.  Now if I can just grow an awesome mustache like Tom Selleck!