Last Updated on February 25, 2018 7:00 pm by Steven

Bishop Interview

A young woman sits and discusses with her bishop.

I was at a business lunch a couple weeks ago trying to network to bring awareness to LeadingLDS within the professional community.

You can imagine my delight when I sat next to a YSA bishop.

He asked me a variety of questions about LeadingLDS and was excited to explore the resource and see what he could gain as a leader.

He then said, “I have one situation I really struggle with as a bishop and I am curious if LeadingLDS has any related resources.”

He continued, “As a bishop I am always wanting those confessing transgressions in my office to feel the love of the Savior in relation to his infinite Atonement, but I also want them to feel the weight, or godly sorry, for what they have done.”

I clarified, “So you are mainly concerned with those that come in to confess a serious transgression and are expecting a slap on the wrist so they can move on with their life?”

“Exactly!” He said.

I asked a few more questions and shared a few ideas, but at a noisy business networking lunch it wasn’t the ideal place to discuss this topic. I told him I would be in touch with some resources.

So, how would you give guidance on such a topic?

If you have been a bishop you have no doubt run into this type of scenario where an individuals, in your opinion, just doesn’t understand the seriousness of their transgression.

The first part of the question is easy: Can the bishop help someone feel the love of the Savior?

Yes, absolutely. That’s the fun part.

The second part of the question really boils down to a deeper question: Can the bishop compel another individual to feel guilt or godly sorrow about their sins?

The answer is NO.

Think about it for a moment…

Consider the guilt you have felt when you have sinned in your life.

Do you feel guilty because another person told you you should feel guilty? No.

You feel guilt because you have first felt love. Love that has come from your Savior and makes you never want to disappoint Him by breaking one of his commandments.

It’s not the fires of Hell we are afraid of, it’s the disappointment of a loving Father.

John 14:15
If ye love me, keep my commandments.

A bishop often times feels like it is his duty to make sure the commandments of God are not mocked and that if someone breaks those commandments the transgressor needs to understand the level of seriousness they are in and hopefully if they can understand that, they can begin to feel guilt which leads to making a change for the better.

The bishop’s efforts to compel the individual doesn’t lead to guilt, but worse, it can lead to unintended shame.

Shame is the adversary’s greatest tool because it is a counterfeit of guilt. It can feel like guilt but it only damages the individual and their progress in the gospel.

Also, studies show that if an individual feels shame for a negative habit or action they are more likely to perpetuate that action.

So, what’s a leader to do?

Make every appointment about hope, love, and grace.

Now, wait just a second! Are you telling me I can’t express to them how serious their transgression is!?!?

Sure you can, but it will most likely lead to shame which won’t help anyone come unto Christ.

Doctrine & Covenants 58:26
For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

Not only will he who is compelled receive no reward, but the leader who compels will not help them find it either.

This doesn’t mean the bishop can’t take disciplinary actions.

That is an important role as a Judge in Israel.

Disciplinary action, like restricting the sacrament, is not meant as a tool to compel one to feel guilt, it is a tool to pause the covenant making process until someone is ready to make or renew a covenant.

Its a tool to prepare them for sanctification, not a tool to inflict justification.

So the next time you are tempted to compel another individual to feel guilt for what they have done; take a moment and reflect on how you can lead with love and help this individual discover a deeper meaning to their journey towards sanctification while the bishop also enjoys the role of sharing the love of the Savior who has already justified them.

I realize this is a tough situation. So what do you think? What am I missing? How can we be leaders that reduce shame and increase love?

Sincerely,

Kurt Francom
Executive Director
LeadingLDS

 

This is a guest post by Kurt Francom, Executive Director of LeadingLDS.org – an organization that is dedicated to helping LDS Lay Leaders Take Their Ability to the Level of Their Authority.

I have been a member of LeadingLDS for a few years and I love their podcasts!  I encourage you to take a look and see if they have something that can help you in your calling.